Flush

The poo hit the water with the loudest SPLOSH, followed by a surprising splash-back of water onto her bum! After a few moments-and dealing with the aftermath-she hit the button: FLUSH… Water swirled and gurgled and splashed, and then there was silence.

Before going to wash her hands, Skyler took a quick peek into the toilet. It hadn’t flushed! The gigantic brown titanic turd had resisted the flush! To be fair it was a biggie, a beauty some might say, so in a way Skyler was secretly pleased to see the end result of all the tummy gurgling that had taken place all morning. After the stare-of-admiration had finished, she reached up and pushed the plunger mechanism again, a little bit harder this time, not that it would make any difference to the function of the flush, but it felt like this whopper of a poo needed, no demanded, some respect, so the extra effort felt appropriate to send it on its way.

Turning to wash her hands, a warm glow of accomplishment spread through her as she caught her grinning reflection, she chuckled to herself as she turned to reach for the towel to dry her hands.

But wait, what the… out of the corner of her eye, Skyler noticed a tinge of brown against the white backdrop of the toilet bowl. Surely not, there is no way this was a TRIPLE FLUSHER!! Skyler hadn’t had one of these in months, in fact, the TRIPLE FLUSHER hadn’t occurred all year.

There was a mix of emotions, a sense of pride mixed with mild frustration. Any other day and the frustration wouldn’t have been there, but today was the apple fair down at Longmoor farm, and Skyler had some Granny Smiths to go and eat, not only were they her favourite, but they also helped calm her stomach gurglings-something she really needed right about now.

Gathering herself, she leaned over to the toilet and put her hand up against the button, feeling the cold touch of the stainless steel under her finger tips. Pausing for a second, Skyler lifted her other hand up to the button to prepare for a double handed flush, a technique that was only ever used in the case of a triple flusher. Eyes narrowing a bit, lips pursed, Skyler pushed with enough force to make sure the button was fully depressed, with not a millimeter left to spare.

Skyler held the button in with both hands and stared into the bowl. This poop deserved the utmost respect and a serious send off!

Gurgle, splash, swirly swirl, swooooooosh, shumph.

Silence.

Skyler stood frozen. Eyes unblinking. Total and utter disbelief.

No poop in the history of poops had ever survived the double-handed-stare-down-flush. There had never been a loss. Skyler was probably 8-0 unbeaten during her pooping career, which had spanned 10 years and 10 months to date. Lost for what to do or say, Skyler just stood there dumbfounded.

This poo was UNFLUSHABLE. With that, Skyler put the toilet seat down, turned around, and swiftly walked out of the downstairs toilet, not once looking back at the UNFLUSHABLE poop.

“Mum! MUUUUUUMMM!” Skyler shouted as loud as she could, letting her anger out in the shout.

“Yes, Sky, what’s the matter? Are you okay? Why are you shouting so loudly?!”

“Dad has blocked the toilet again! It’s UNFLUSHABLE!”

Mum rushed into the bathroom, her face paling as she peeked into the bowl. “Oh no, Sky… not again.”

Skyler blinked.

“What do you mean, ‘again’? I told you, it’s Dad’s fault!”

Mum sighed, closing the door behind her. “Sit down, darling. This isn’t about your father. It’s the family curse, the Unflushables. It started with your great-grandma after she won the apple bobbing contest at Longmoor Farm back in ‘52. Every time one of us overdoes it on Granny Smiths, well… this happens.” She gestured at the bowl, where the turd seemed to be staring straight back at them? No, that couldn’t be.

Skyler’s eyes widened. “A curse? What do we do?”

Mum pulled a dusty old plunger from under the sink, engraved with strange symbols on the wooden handle. “The ancient ritual: Three spins counterclockwise, a chant of ‘Begone, beast of the bowl,’ and a final flush with your eyes closed. But beware, if it doesn’t work, it’ll follow you to the fair.”

Together, they performed the ritual. Gurgle, splash… silence. The bowl was clear. Skyler exhaled, not realising she’d been holding her breath, a mix of relief and wonderment filled her all at once.

“Sky, go quickly now, there’s no time to talk, you have to get to the apple fair as quickly as you can, you’ll know what to do when you get there, just get going right now!”

Skyler had so many questions, but the urgency in her mums voice coupled with the look she was giving her, was all Skyler needed to know this was not the time for a history lesson on the Unflushables curse. Instead, Skyler quietly got up and headed straight for the front door, stopping only to pull her boots on before running out of the house and down the road straight to Longmoor farm apple fair.